But God...

"I yell at children, fester with bitterness, forget doctor appointments, lose library books, live selfishly, skip prayer, complain, go to bed too late, neglect cleaning toilets.  I live tired.  Afraid. Anxious. Weary. Years, I feel it in the veins, the pulsing of ruptured hopes. Would I ever be enough, find enough, do enough?"  .... Quote from Ann Voskamp's "One Thousand Gifts" book.  So echo many of these things... not the living afraid but pretty much everything else at some time or another resounds in my life. Thankful there is always a "But God...".  But God...works grace in my life to stop me in my tracks of yelling at children to humble myself and apologize to them and ask them for forgiveness for my harshness and pray with me that God would fill mommy with gentleness.  But God....who works to confront bitterness and root it out.  But God....who works to move me beyond myself, to not demand my own way, or when I am demanding my own way to show me the light and correct my steps.  But God....who is faithful, who will spur others on to pray for me, and wake me up early when I have been failing to get up on my own.  But God....who despite my weariness, can enable me to serve in the strength He provides.   Looking forward to the "But God"'s that will come in this next month of craziness as we pioneer our way across a foreign land with less than fluent language skills and plant ourselves in a new and dark place....a place without the hope of the Gospel...a place that doesn't know Jesus.  Thankful the power of Jesus abounds in our lives and we are not alone in this.  Thankful the power of Jesus gives us everything we need for life and godliness. Thankful the power of Jesus will accomplish the purposes for which he brought us to this land and is sending us to this new city.  Thankful the power of Jesus does not ask me to change the world but simply to be obedient to take up my cross and follow Him.  And really thankful He helps me carry my cross as I follow Him because the Lord knows that I can not bear the cross in my own strength....He walketh beside me and His yoke is easy and His burden is light!  How freeing! ....

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