Today my home was not a nest...it was not a harbor for happiness.... today I woke up sick and decided I didn't want to be a mother today...I didn't want to deal with the constant whining of my children...homeschool, meetings, language, neighbors, marriage, messes around the house.... I decided that I deserved a day off, a day to indulge my flesh and "rest". The TV is never on but today my children were mothered by "Sesame Street" this morning, and they were fussed at by me. But mothers cannot take a day off... during nap time I picked up a book which said "If you are a mother, you have a calling from God. God entrusts into your care a life, a future, a piece of what the world will become. You become part of the solution or part of the problem that faces us today." - Jean Fleming. Why is it that we think sickness is an excuse to sin? Why is it that I think I deserve anything? If my children are a piece of what the world will become and my mothering helps effect the outcome why on earth would I want to wish that away? Most days I look at my children in awe and wonder of the blessing that they are, most days I relish time with them, most days I can't wait to start our homeschool lessons, I love making nutritious meals for them, taking much care with their environment and what they are exposed to in this world....but not today...today I wanted out....today I wanted an escape...today I had to ask my children for forgiveness.... to forgive me for my unkind, angry, selfish heart that was not gentle with them.... they forgave me as they always do and prayed with me that God would change my wicked heart and enable me to be gentle like Christ, but I can't help but wonder what impression my sinful actions left on my children. We can forgive, unfortunately we can not usually forget. When my children are old and grown I do not want their remembrance of me to be a mommy who got angry, who expected perfection, was OCD on organization and was cutting with her tongue.... oh that I would be a mommy who has kindness on her tongue, gentleness in her touch and who makes all of life an exciting adventure! Pray with me for this.
Queen Mother
I so appreciate this blog. I often have the same sentiments. I think that the fact that your children see your humility in repenting will show them what it really means to know, trust, and depend on Chrst.
ReplyDeleteLove and prayers.